The Need For Validation

I thoroughly enjoy social media when used in a healthy way. I enjoy the connection it brings and the fact that you can share fun, memorable, important moments with people you love. I have lately been wanting to post more, and have been hesitantly examining why I want to do so, and I can honestly say I think it would be fun. And that is all.

But...

Around the same time I started thinking it would be fun to post more I started to see others getting hurt. And not even through pictures posted or there number of followers the had or did not have, or the amount of likes. Some in that way, yes, but the majority of them simply sought situational or mental validation from others. Unfortunately that is the point of social media for a lot of people.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being encouraging and getting encouragement, or validating someone's feelings or having someone validate your feelings. But a lot of the time on social media we are validating the very best of the best the person has to offer because it is all that we see. So then that becomes their standard. That is how they should look, feel, or act. If they do that they will feel fulfilled and happy, but when they don'tit just hurts. It is an impossible standard to meet always, so we feel like we don't measure up when we are not reaching that mark.

---

I have also started to notice, more in one on one online settings or just while texting people, that so many people are so dependent on others validation that it breaks them when they don't get it, and on the other side of that, people who build their whole relationship on being a yes man.

If you are the yes man, you are stuck, you can't say anything that isn't good about the dependent person or that isn't in agreement with them, even when you don't agree or you see them setting themselves up to get hurt. At that point you have made yourself and they have made you responsible for their stability, emotionally and mentally, and in some cases spiritually. So what can you do? You don't want to break someone.

If you are the dependent person, you are also stuck because you are putting your heart and mind in the hands of others, and they are not God, they will fail you, and when they do you will break.

For both people involved there is no growth, it is a constant, exusuhsting back and forth until someone gets hurt. And that isn't fair, to anyone.

This yes man and dependent relationship goes beyond social media, often times it is found more in real life or in conversation. I bring it up here because it is another form of seeking validation. There are many other relationship dynamics that involve needing someone's approval and attention but this is a main one i have been seeing and even participating in.

---

I do not think there are set yes men and set dependent people, I think anyone can be both. I am under the impression that dependent person creates yes men, and I am guilty of this too. They approach a situation in such a way that others have little option but to validate them. If you don't you will sound mean, or you may fear how they will respond to you, or to themselves. This can be done in wording of a question or how context to a situation is given. I don't think it is done intentionally, but a dependent person will naturally create a situation where they can depend of someone else.

Example in my life: one time I was in a tricky situation and I knew what I wanted to do but I wanted someone (one of my friends) to tell me what I wanted to do was the best thing to do. So as I explained the situation to my friend I would say "I feel like the only thing I can do is..." or "I don't want to hurt this person so I have to..." or "If I do the other thing I will be to blame when it goes wrong..." none of those things were lies, I was genuinely worried, but I was so focused on the answer I wanted that I kept asking the same question over and over in different ways trying to get it. Luckily my friend looked me in the eyes and said "right now it feels like you are waiting for me to give you the answer that you wnat". And I was, I didn't even realize I was. So thankfully he was able to not get sucked into my mindset and he was able to just tell me how it was.

However guilt is a powerful motivator, and when you care about someone it is sometimes hard to get out of their mindset and be objective. And a lot of people are not as straightforward as my friend was because people don't like the possibility of conflict. Myself included.

---

It is important to know your worth before and outside of social media and to be looking to God for your worth, not others. There is nothing wrong with social media at all, but our intentions behind it should not be to bost or show off and what we get out of it should not be fulfillment it should be fun. And if anything else a tool to be a light.

And yes, it is important to have people in your life who will support you and build you up, but it is equally important to have people who can tell you how it is even if they know you will not agree, but always in love. One person can be both of those things and should strive to be. It comes down to being loving and honest, as a good friend should be. We also need to be sure we are able to receive truth from others rather then just writing them off and mean, or unloving when thy say something you don't want to hear, because real friends want you to grow.

We need to, I need to be sure that I love and speak truth in a kind way as well as accept love and truth from others without becoming defensive.

Hope you enjoyed my second rant.

That is my something for today. :)